Graham Williamson, based in the UK, has recovered from ten years of alcoholism through the AA method. He recovered and is now on a path of spirituality. He regularly practices meditation, does reiki sessions, and has made strong connections in Uganda and spends time fundraising money to send gifts to children in villages in Uganda. Graham believes that if one person can be inspired by his story, then his work is done. Graham has an open door policy of friends on Facebook and would love to be connected! He can be found here: https://www.facebook.com/graham.williamson3
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TRANSCRIPT
Intro
Welcome to the Sober Yoga Girl podcast with Alex McRobs, international yoga teacher and sober coach. I broke up with booze for good in 2019 and now I'm here to help others do the same. You're not alone and a sober life can be fun and fulfilling. Let me show you how.
Alex
So welcome back to another episode of Sober Yoga Girl, I have Graham with me on the show today, and Graham is from the north of England. He is someone who has been through alcohol addiction, has recovered and is happy to share his story with others. Thank you so much for being on the show today. And welcome, Graham. How are you?
Graham
Thanks very much. Thank you. Pleasure's mine. Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks.
Alex
Good.
Graham
Oh. Thank you. We've got nice weather in the U.K. for the change. Yeah. Everyone's happy.
Alex
I've heard it's nice. Finally. So, why don't we start off and you can tell me a bit about sort of your background, your story, kind of who you are and where you're from?
Graham
Yeah, of course. Yeah. My name is Graham. I grew up in the northwest of England, in between the two big cities in the northwest. That's Manchester and Liverpool. So, I grew up in an industrial town called Wallington right in the middle. And 50 years of age, I have one son aged 26. His name's Callum and he has the long time, and I would say back to the 20s all the way through the 30s, I was battling really bad alcoholism. I'm lucky enough to be over then.
Alex
So, tell me about sort of how your drinking began. When did you start drinking?
Graham
Yeah, of course. Yeah. Well, when I started socializing was about 18 or 19 and I wasn't a big drinker at first, more into the acid housing. That's a big thing in the north of England and the youth culture that wants to go to big acid house parties. And it was taken ecstasy tablets and recreational drugs. It wasn't really centered on drinking. So, it didn't really start heavy drinking in the early 20s I'd say. And when I started going out with people from the work, I was introduced to all day drinking at same when I was about 20, 21. And I just got a taste for that. Got the taste for being around a lot of men sitting and working class pubs and I was into the football culture, you know, watching football, getting drunk. And yeah, it just grew from that to just, you know, in love with the effect of alcohol until I became dependent on it.
Alex
When did that? So, you say you started drinking around age 18. How did that progress over time? Like, tell me about what that was like.
Graham
I wouldn't say heavy drinking at 18. I would say that heavy drinking started about 20 or 21 when I started hanging around with older man because I worked in Manchester at the time. A big warehouse, really working class environment where everyone socialize to go with as well, even not only work together. We was like one big family. We went out to get over after work and we hang around weekends with the same people. And in that part of the world, to the Manchester, it's a big thing, going out all day drinking at midday and drinking all the way through maybe to two o'clock in the morning. So, it's like calling old folks all around Manchester and then go to a club afterwards.
Alex
Yeah.
Graham
And not only out in the sun. Then, the next day, meet in the pub again on the the sun, then you start again. And I really love that because at that time I was young and exciting and I was like, you know, it was like a new, I didn't think I'd be doing it forever. I just thought I'm young and I'm not doing any harm, and to really go into that lifestyle of going out and getting drunk and enjoying myself. And it was the start of the 1990s, which is a really hedonistic decade. We are going out getting drunk with them. It wasn't really frowned upon as more is encouraged, especially by the media and the entertainment industry. And do you think as well the time as Manchester was the center of the universe. With the big Manchester scene, you know, light clubs and bands like Stone Roses, Happy Mondays, you know. We form other ways to explore and, you know, Manchester at that time is the center of the universe. Indeed more cool than London at the time. So, I was right in the middle of it all as a young man.
Alex
Yeah.
Graham
Everyone's got to party all the time and be out.
Alex
I mean, I can hear you can kind of, you can get swept up in that, you know, like the people love it.
Graham
Absolutely.
Alex
Yeah. Definitely, when I was young, my drinking as well started, you know, as like partying with friends and fun and university.
Graham
Yeah. And there's this funny dude that it's like, you say, "Oh, top on these times went".
Alex
Interesting what you mentioned about how it's a big thing in the UK to start drinking in the middle of the afternoon and then keep going, because in Canada that wasn't so much a thing when I was there that I was aware of. But I in Abu Dhabi, it's really common. They call it brunches where people start like 1:00 PM. And I think there's a really big British influence here. And I've heard that could be the connection, because I had never heard that before, but that makes kind of sense with what happens here.
Graham
It depends on the people that you mixing with and what kind of circle you're in. And I was mixing with a lot of working class people who, you know, that all bets were off at the first drink. There's no real estate out. You got the money in the financial state out, and that time had no children, no mortgage or no real responsibilities. Only wages were mine. And yeah, only works out, so that wasn't there's no rules, there's no going home, getting check ins. Coming back up. When she was out, we was out.
Alex
Yeah. And so, when did it start to shift for you to be problematic?
Graham
When I would say be mid 20s, I'd say . Were hangovers got to start feeling rough at work, and we perform it, just went downhill, quitting work and just walking the day. Just watching the clock. Because the effects of alcohol response, it hit me with smoking tobacco as well, which smoking and drinking. My body just didn't like it, like the pattern. And it's affecting the health partly coming back from early 20s.
Alex
And then, what was like the moment or what made you eventually have to stop, or how did you sort of hit that point?
Graham
I was stuck in the mid 20s. I remember at the time I was 24, when my partner was pregnant with my son and I said, That's it. I'm quitting drinking when the boy comes. And quitting drinking and quitting smoking. And I'm going to be a good father, a good role model and I'm gonna do it.
Alex
Yeah.
Graham
I didn't quit drinking till I was 40. So battling alcoholism, it was quick. 20, well, 20 years.
Alex
Wow.
Graham
I was born, I just couldn't do it.
Alex
Wow.
Graham
The pull of alcohol is too much for me.
Alex
And so, how did you finally quit?
Graham
I had a couple of, so it was late 30s, and it's affecting my health badly, whether something happens to have hospital visits. Dozens of medical detoxes. That's where they put it in a hospital bed. They put directly inside you. And you look full of vitamins and drugs to get you through the withdrawals and start having any kind of experiences. And it got worse to stay in psychiatric wards because we've seen things getting voices, and we had it really bad. On the other couple of bad visits where seeing spirits or seeing things getting visit. Some think entities want to make the last bit I have, and remember that it was February 2011. It's a really bad visit from that. Not supposed to drop, but 10 years ago.
Alex
Wow. And what was different about that final sort of experience? Like what was it that really, like, ended it for you?
Graham
Good question. I don't know. Just it's just pure that I'm not getting on my knees and reaching out to Spirit World and the higher powers that I look at. And look after I just said, look at this. I can't be this. Things got me and I keep trying to quit. Keep drawing me back in. And these spirits are saying you want to get your act together smartly not to.
Alex
Yeah.
Graham
Be more or less, that's the job. You've got the capability of being a leader and you waste your life on. Broken glass and you failed you know it. You don't need it, I just, I could see it was effectively five is how can you tell if it was like expecting everybody that from that last bench, that last hospital stay, it's just stayed of it. Just turned into something else.
Alex
Wow. And so, when you, like, what helped you in this transition time, like keeping your sobriety, staying sober? Did you go to AA? Did you?
Graham
Yes, I did.
Alex
Yeah.
Graham
I found AA helpful. It's not for everybody, AA. I used it as a tool to my advantage. The AA thing, it gets a lot about trust. But if you use it to actually stay sober, a lot of people go there and you think the life's going to change overnight. You've got to be loyal to create new people in life for the change. That's not what AA's all about. You go to AA because you're not well. And there's the people that are not well, either. You know, and I'll always remember about to AA atleast listen to people's stories. And these two women there, and one woman come up to me and she says "You don't seem happy". This is not the equivalent of alcoholism. Not here. No, it's not fun, it meant to get better. And she, you know, any kind of group dynamic conflicts, people that you don't like, and that's why people don't last to AA because you go to AA, these groups of people is CLECs like any group dynamic. I think, go out to make new friends. I want to stay sober and sit. Digestible people's experiences, scary stuff, not to make new friends, you've got to get well and stay well.
Alex
Yeah.
Graham
Let's talk about groups of AA. The guys there. You've been sober for 20 years, Glaswegian guys, who I would happily paid 50 pounds an hour to listen to and without funny enough, charismatic and the stories without God. And I was taken on these stories and those digested and ignored and all the nonsense. And I'm just folks is up by you folks and the good people that go, because when every AA will always be a good person that you can learn a lot from. And that's what I did.
Alex
Yeah. And, you know, I think there are so many amazing resources out there, and there's, I'm a big believer in like, you know, do what works for you, right? And so, I didn't go to AA, but I don't think that there's anything wrong with AA. And I think that, you know, using drawing upon whatever resources work and inspire you. Like, if that works for you, then that's amazing. You know?
Graham
Yeah. It was eye opening because at the time, I was living in Manchester. I don't know what you know about money just as much as the big city in the north of England, big industrial city. It's got a very big working class population. We call it blue collar that open the state. We call it blue collar on. A lot of people say low income. And in China, that is, you have a lot of people, a lot of people suffering an addiction as well because of the poverty and a lot in AA mean to get around really tough people. These when fluffy people, these are really rough around the edges. People like got within there, and, you know, taught me a lot.
Alex
Yeah. What was one of like, the biggest insights or takeaways from AA?
Graham
Lot of things. Well, it's to stay away from that first drink because the first drink gets you drunk, not the tenth one, but the first one. Because if you don't have that first drink, you have the 12th one. That's one of the biggest ones. And just really poignant sentences like the Scottish guy used to say, This alcohol, don't underestimate how alcohol. It's powerful stuff. That's a short sentence with so much meaning, so much power. It's powerful stuff. It's not just the drink. It's one drink on the road is absolute destruction. This guy, we've been off the drink for three years and he's with his family on New Year's Eve. No, when his family's back, everyone was happy. He was off the drink and it was like one minute to 12 o'clock. And this is a Scottish guy where New Year in Scotland is a big thing. He said, I'll just have one whiskey at midnight to celebrate New Year. That's all that people must thing. Okay? He said this to his wife, That one drink of whiskey lasted nine years. During those nine years, you lost two jobs. There was three suicide attempts. His wife divorced and he lost his home. He ended up homeless, living as justice on benefits, everything ruined because he decided to set up one drink at midnight. That's a powerful story, you know, it's true as well, it's not like a Hollywood story. It's a true story.
Alex
And you remember these stories forever, and they can change, they can change you.
Graham
Gosh, yeah. And that's why I want you to AA to listen to these stories, you know, and it's not just me that's come through that. Don't get me wrong, I tried to clean up dozens of times. I went months without drinking, and got myself back into work, but with finances in order, and we built relationships with the girls that I was with and everything seemed to go fine, but always drink back. I almost thought I was cured of it. I also, I'm not drunk now for three months and this time, it would be different. This time, I'll only spend weekends. Before you know, it's been three weeks and back in the hospital bed.
Alex
You've been through so much.
Graham
Yes. But I'm also very lucky as well, a lot of my friends that made it.
Alex
Yeah. Tell me about like AA was one tool that helps you in your recovery. And you also mentioned that you're, you know, very spiritual now and you're a Reiki practitioner. Is that a tool that helps you in your recovery as well?
Graham
I'm not practitioner, I go for Reiki sessions ... Maybe in the future. And the spiritual side of things is quite recent, to be honest you there, where you start reaching out to spiritual people about spiritual experiences. But I didn't think about becoming spiritual myself until maybe the last year or so where I start reaching out to people who practice meditation and yoga and things like that and start talking to them because I just want to go to the next stage. Okay. If I quit alcohol 10 years ago and I quit smoking four years ago and I just wanted to elevate from being a normal person to being a great person.
Alex
Yeah.
Graham
I just didn't feel out the energy. I just thought I had only the energy if I will quit my job. Come on to work sides, and then do this and go to sleep, Groundhog Day, go back to your job again. I think about more than that, I want to become a great person. But how do we do it? Because at the moment, I just feel I just do my job goes to work to start, speaking to people. People call themselves 5D people. No? People have ascended to five dimensional kind of things teaching. And they basically said, If your damage is, if you improve your energy, you need to open your heart. And which at the time, I didn't realize why the close heart of it, didn't really have much empathy for people. For poor people or people going through a bad sign, more or less. It was a cruel about it, but just, maybe that swept away in thinking, Well, if she talks, you don't follow that kind of thing, which is not the case. Since then, that is not the case. And I start learning to open up my heart and stop listening to what we're told on the TV and stuff like that, and that's opened up a whole new world for me. Started accepting friends from Africa on Facebook and making contacts in Uganda. Start sending aid over there and close. Stop where they decided to close this out through it all designer clothes and sent in to Africa to them. I just wear linen clothes and I wouldn't wear anything that's got fashion labels anymore. And then, I've got links in remote villages in Uganda was regularly send aid, food, baby clothes, baby consumables, stuff for single mothers. That's catatonics let me woke. Really let me woke.
Alex
It sounds like it's giving you a lot of meaning and like helping others.
Graham
Yeah, definitely. This just opened up a new dimension to my existence, you know, and I've got a lot of good contacts in Uganda now where I spent some stuff I get videos are fascinating photographs, showing what was done and showing the people using it and feeding food and opening the bag to sweets and wearing the clothes. And I show it to people in my community. People have donated to me. I put on Facebook, look at your donations and actually reaching the people that need it, rather than disappearing down the black hole. And that's the only way he stops going, I'm showing you the children's faces lights up when they're opening up the sweets. And can you imagine Uganda, a remote village, still of sweetshop. So, we go out 24/7 to service stations in remote areas. A lot of poverty could have benefit frameworks like we do need.
Alex
Right. And so, they really benefit from any kind of help that can be--
Graham
Absolutely. They have nothing. I'm not going to get political because I'm not political person, but Uganda's, with the, you know, the economy over there shot to pieces. The president over there, which you get impressions of him, care much about the poor, like a wealthy elite that live in Uganda. And there's not much done to improve conditions for people living in hardship, so that's not my fight. My fight is to get this stuff over there today, and to the kids and the mothers that need to stop the political fight, that's what people like. That's not my area, so.
Alex
Just caring for others in the best way that you can.
Graham
I think it's wrong that is not just a Facebook policy project is what I like. It's like, it's feeling it there. You know, the media feel that these kids are denying.
Alex
Wow.
Graham
I mean, I'm feeling like the mothers over there might be sisters, you know what I mean?
Alex
Yeah.
Graham
You're really connecting with them as if they're my family, and it's, five years ago, you know, I mean, I would have thought that. I was going to say, especially in the U.K., more or less. So, it's like a rat race in the U.K., so let's look at these things back then you never. You know what I mean? It's like, it's culture over there where we started to look down on the poor in the U.K., you know, someone claiming benefits or not to win like them, more or less, rechannel to look down on people like that. And then, in the past, I've been guilty of soaking up, you know? But the mindset change. Then he wants to pull this to really like to, you know, in another country, we should all be working together to stop poverty.
Alex
Yeah, absolutely. And so, if people want to get involved and contribute to your project in Uganda, how do you collect funds for that?
Graham
After I put the Facebook campaigns.
Alex
Okay.
Graham
Well, some people, you know, told me last campaign was shoeboxes. The kids got them. This is the idea. This is a shoe box full of sweets.
Alex
Oh, it's nice.
Graham
Okay? Maybe some pens and pencils. So, I stick by my contact in the village. How many kids are in the village under the age of ten? About 750. So, I was holding 50 of these, so when the kid open one of these. This campaign, I got 75 did well, it's half the village. To send over there, I have to send it this time, which is like, you know, I sent ten big boxes for these packs full of these in case. So, to get to Uganda is expensive and, you know, have to go through UPS, it gets to Uganda, then it's got to past cost and then you've got to get it from the industrial main hop to Uganda to the remote villages. It's quite a job getting in there, and it's quite expensive as well. But yeah, the Facebook campaign and a lot of people in the U.K. donate. People from Glasgow down South London, the Midlands, it's a proper national effort.
Alex
It's amazing. It's so good.
Graham
You know, they're really good.
Alex
I'm like, getting shivers as I hear about it. Like I can just hear how lit up you are by it and how passionate you are about it.
Graham
Oh, yes. Life is really good. And the kids that I've missed out on sending them over, but now I'm going to things about 20 kids that missed out and I've got the names of them as well. So, at the box, he's got their name on, and so I'll probably go take a couple of months to get to every child, but as long as I'm breathing, no child's going to miss out one of these boxes.
Alex
So amazing. And so, if anyone listening to the podcast wants to contribute or support that, how can they connect with you?
Graham
It's a bit more with Facebook. So, we Facebook. The last time it didn't go from mailing where people can go on, make contributions to help the cost of shipping.
Alex
Cool.
Graham
And I'm open to set up a proper company, and the limited company where people can contribute small donations, maybe a couple of bucks a month. And so, the more money that comes in, the business model would be okay. It cost about a hundred pound a box to get over there. If I raised a hundred pounds a month, okay, to fill a box full of sweets and stuff, that's not expensive, probably $20. You know what I mean?
Alex
Yeah.
Graham
They probably cost $120 to send a 120 pound to send a box full of food and aid over there. The more people that contribute, the more boxes I can send. I've got a daytime job, so I can do it in my spare time, though every penny will go to these kids. You know, like Oxfam, where they've got CEOs to pay and data brokers and sales execs and all kinds of reps on high salaries. This is a shocker. Every penny goes to the kids kind of thing. And I did all of it tonight, the campaigns as well. So, people that want to came in and out to spend only on the shipping. So, people knew every penny went to these kids.
Alex
Wow. You know, that's fantastic and transparency where people really see it where their dollar is kind of reaching.
Graham
And that's important. The transparency is important, so people will probably get together if they knew where the penny is gone to these kids.
Alex
Yeah, absolutely. And so, it sounds like your life from like where you started until where you are now is just like such a tremendous transformation. Like you've just totally like you just seem like you're thriving now.
Graham
Yeah. It's good times. I'm really enjoying my life and, you know, and like anyone else, bad days and good days, but it's a lot better than what it was when I was drinking, put it that way.
Alex
Yeah. And so, if you had to give some advice to anyone that is struggling with alcoholism, anyone who is looking to get sober, what advice would you give? What would you recommend?
Graham
First of all, acknowledge the power of alcohol. How powerful it is, and surrender to it. Don't keep getting in the ring with alcohol. If it beat you once, it will beat you again. Used to like AA. AA cost you a pound to pay for the whole. And go to AA meetings, go as many as you possibly can, if it's not for you, try something out.
Alex
Yeah.
Graham
And if you fall off the wagon, don't give up. So it needs to spend years to find a formula that worked for me. I tried to quit for 20 years and I kept falling off the wagon.
Alex
Yeah.
Graham
So don't think you're a failure, if you've gone back to drinking. A lot of people give up thinking they're not worthy and the self-esteem goes. One thing you can guarantee if you quit drinking and you stay sober, you'd be handed the keys to the kingdom, honestly, life would be, you can make life so happy or be beyond your wildest dreams. You quit drinking, stick to it. Stay sober, stay away from the first drink. Stay away from pubs and bars if you have to. That's what I've done, I've got to go into a pub now to watch football and see the football games finished, I'm out of the back door. I don't stay around drunk people. This is people who go to an event. If it's to do with work or a wedding or the christening. As soon as I want to go, I'd go. Don't feel obliged to stay there with drunk people. Find different things to do. Yoga, sport, go to gym. You know, there's sort of things to do than sit in the pub. We'll sit in the bar.
Alex
Wow. This is great advice. I think I got shivers when you're talking about, you know, if you fall off the wagon, don't think that you're a failure, because I think it's so common that people can get into that headspace. You know, they have one night off and then they just think, you know, it's over and done. And I see this happen often where people will kind of spiral in and out of, you know, having a sober streak and then having one drink and feeling like it's over. And I love those words you said about, you know, you're not a failure. Get back up again. Try again. Because I think that will resonate with a lot of people listening.
Graham
Of course. I mean, when I first quit drinking for the first couple of years, I felt like the invisible man. I felt like I was ignored and stopped getting invited to event because, you know, it felt like everyone else was enjoying themselves apart from me, but it is a sad time for the first couple of years. I needed all. I needed to gain all the strength to stay off the drink the first couple of years can be quite so. I remember one time this is the toughest time, Okay? And I remember that one time I was working at a catalogue place in the sales where, you know, it was a sales job. I was like a call center and we all agreed. We all went to meet each other. But in some sense, it was a beautiful, sunny day. Okay. And we all spent the day with each other and there's a party on that night and we're all talking about me, not for this party, and I couldn't go out to go get in the box and go home. And so what, I really want to go at party, but you couldn't go. And that was a pivotal point, you know what I mean? That could have gotten that way or that way.
Alex
Yeah.
Graham
If I were to go to that party, then I'll be drinking an old, but that's the kind of things I have to do to make decisions, like that strong decisions. So, you know, expect a little bit sacrifice, expect some challenges, it's a rocky road, but if you come through it, imagine waking up every day, looking forward to the day, trying to make a contribution instead of being scared of your own shadow.
Alex
So beautiful. Well, thank you so much, Graham, for being on the show. It was so wonderful to hear your story and get to meet you.
Graham
Absolute pleasure. Thanks for having me on.
Alex
You're welcome. And I'll put in the description of the bio. I can put a link to either, you know, your email or any way to contact you if people want to get involved in your project for Uganda.
Graham
Yeah. That would be fantastic. And I've got quite a lot of friends on Facebook. I've got an open door policy with my Facebook friends. Anyone who wants to be my friend on Facebook, and I welcome them. It's no probem.
Alex
So then, maybe I'll just put your name on Facebook and then and find you there. I'm the same. I have so many Facebook friends.
Graham
Yes. That it's all about reaching out to people. Open door policy.
Alex
Exactly. Yeah. All right. Thank you so much, Graham.
Graham
Thanks, Alex. Thanks for having me on. You enjoy the rest of the day and hopefully we'll catch up again soon.
Alex
Sounds great. Take care. Bye.
Graham
Bye bye.
Outro
Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of Sober Yoga Girl with Alex McRobs. I Fam so, so grateful for every one of you. Don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss the next one and leave a review before you go. See you soon. Bye.
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